Foster Parent Training and Craziness!

I am so ready for this long weekend, I feel like I haven't had a good, long night of sleep since I don't know when.  We had a great time in Louisville 2 weeks ago but things have been chaotic ever since!  Last week we had training Wednesday night deep in the heart of Chicago, we got out at 9:30 but didn't get home until after 11 and I had to go into work the next day and work 9 to 7.  Training was good, we learned a lot about loss and got a better perspective of what some of these children might be dealing with.  Thursday and Friday were catch up days at work and running errands.  Friday we got some AMAZING news, my husband has been laid off for 2 and a half years, well on Friday he found out he was reporting back to work (he is a Union Electrician) it was the most AMAZING NEWS EVER!!! Saturday we had class in the morning and again it was enjoyable and we got to ask some good questions.  Later that day, my friend Ashley visited with her 2 year old daughter and it was awesome.  Nothing is more precious than watching your husband play with a 2 year old little girl or watching him take her out of her car seat and hold her.  My heart melted over and over again but for the first time in a very long time, I did not feel guilty.  I felt excited.. our path and journey to parenthood does not look the same as everyone else's but it will be just as special.  Sunday, Ashley and Avery left and we went out and celebrated Ron's new employment status.  Sunday night Ron and I tried to go to bed early but our dogs must not have gotten the memo because i did not get any sleep because they were acting crazy.  I did not want them to keep Ron up so I got up and slept on the couch (as much as I could with them).... the rest of this week has been a blur.  

We were scheduled for our next home visit on May 28th but now that Ron is back to work our Licensing Agent needed to reschedule for another evening, so we now have it scheduled for early June.

I am still excited and still ready to move forward.  

Have a great Memorial Day, All!

Stupid Shutterfly

So this morning I got some crazy email from Shutterfly congratulating me on my upcoming baby and pregnancy.  I was furious!  Not long after getting it, I got a text from one of my friends who also has been dealing with infertility, she too got the same dang email and was also very annoyed.  Then I saw on facebook other people got it... #annoyed but wtf Shutterfly?  I am sure it was just an accident but still.  Ugh, the many joys of dealing with infertility, it still surprises me that people just think that everyone can get pregnant and I get it 8 out 10 people do with no problems, but 20% of women out there have dealt with some kind of infertility.  Asking someone, 'so when are you going to have kids' seems harmless but it's not.  Asking 'so when do you guys plan on having kids'... ugh, if it was only that easy.  While everyday I try and overcome and get excited about my journey, infertility will haunt me for the rest of my life.  I am not going to have biological children, I want to but I can't.  I have made the decision to foster and hopefully adopt and my husband is right there with me and we will love the experience but at the end of the day they will not be biological, we are ok with that, are you?  Think before you speak and just have awareness that there are infertile people out there.  That means you Shutterfly! 

I know, I know 10 days and no posts, I am sorry.  Things have been CRAZY.  Where to begin.  

Paint Color for Kiddos room - check 

• It's this super pretty cream color that looks like the color of  treasure map (Ron's idea)... we are really taking this Neverland/Pirates/Peter Pan theme to the limits.

Ron turned 30 - check

• We had a 30th Birthday Party last weekend and it was so great to see all our friends and be very open about what has been going on with us.
• We also went down to Louisville this weekend to celebrate Ron's 30th and go on the Bourbon Trail with my brother in law, it was a really fun weekend.

We have more PRIDE training this week so we will be almost half way done by Saturday, which is very exciting. 

Our Licensing Worker is coming again on May 28th, we are hoping to have the room mostly done, I am so excited to see it! :)

I have to say, it was really nice enjoying the last two weekend and drinking again.  I didn't drink for almost 7 months and it was worth it because I wanted to be at my healthiest but if I am not going to get pregnant than YOLO because seriously... you have to enjoy life.  I wasn't amazingly healthy this weekend with my eating but I got back to my shakes via shakeology this morning and had a light lunch.  Back to portion control and I need to factor in some time to work out soon, I feel groggy.  

One last plus side is I did plant my garden yesterday,  I am so excited for the fresh veggies this summer!  Take the good with the bad, I may be infertile but I will be happy.... Happy home, wonderful husband, new family journey, healthy eating, amazing friends.. God works in mysterious ways!  #blessed 

Picture is us from the Bourbon Trail this past weekend.. visiting my roots at Jim Beam (Katie Beam is my great, great grandmother!)

Well I did it, I registered.... I had no idea what I was doing but I did it.  It's weird to think about registering for a child that could be either gender and anywhere from 0 to 4... but it is a start.  I need a check list, I am a check list person.  I also ordered the crib bedding.  And, you know what... I am having fun planning.  Yes it is different than what I originally thought but it is fun and I am excited about what is to come.  

We are registered at Babies R Us and Target .. email me for the links if you'd like them.  

salatafamilyest2008@gmail.com

Yikes... Long Week!

Hello Friends - so sorry I have been inactive this week, after training all last week, my parents visiting, and having a CRAZY week at work, time has not been on my side.

Updates from me, well last Friday our licensing worker came to the house and we had a really nice visit.  She was very transparent and Ron and I were able to ask a lot of our questions but to be honest we felt really good after the visit.  On Saturday morning we woke up early and drove to Rockford, IL and attended Sessions 1 and 2 of PRIDE training through DCFS.  2 session down, 7 to go.. It wasn't bad, yes it was a long day  but it was informative and we appreciated again the realness of it all.  We also really enjoyed the people in the class and were happy to see that we really aren't that 'different'... 

On Sunday, my boss brought by their crib for us to purchase.. this was my first 'shit is getting real' moment and I loved it.  I am so ready to get the room together and that was really a great starting point.

Later in the day my parents came and my mom is so supportive, it is so very nice.

I still have moments when I think about the infertility, lack of biological children etc but this journey is going to be just as beautiful and could be far more rewarding.  We are blessed! 

Have a Happy and Productive Weekend!  Ron turns 30 next week so we are throwing a birthday party!

Go Blackhawks!! 

It's finally happening...

It is finally happening... I woke up this morning and was happy.  Not like Sunshine and Roses happy but normal happy... I got up and things are starting to feel normal again.  I am not waking up depressed anymore.  Maybe it's the hormones leaving my system, maybe I am healing, maybe it is the future potential of fostering or adopting, whatever it is, I am so happy that I am capable of coping.  I will never be 100% but after seeing the therapist and taking things day to day, I feel like I am really starting to move on.  

Looking back, I still can't believe all the meds I was injecting into myself on a daily basis... Follistim, Menopur, Ovidrel, HCG, Progesterone... and those were just the injects over the time of treatments, not to mention the pills... Clomid, Estrogen, Metformin.. etc  And then the vaginal suppositories, those were really fun!  Can you believe what we do to ourselves on the quest to start a family.  If only it was as easy as having sex, but it wasn't and that's ok, God has a different plan for us.

I leave you today with the saying below because it is so true, I haven't been myself that last 8 months because I literally was all drugged up on hormones, I am starting to appreciate the positives.

Our home visit is tomorrow with the licensing agent, wish us luck! 

A Day in the life..

A day in the life of a woman struggling with infertility is probably a lot like any other woman's day but instead much more emotional.  Yesterday I was swamped at work so luckily I had very little time to think about the last few weeks or even the weeks to come but then last night I went to my first appointment with a therapist.  I was nervous and really didn't know where to start but once I got talking it was a lot like blogging and I just talked and talked and talked... If felt so good to talk about everything.  It also made me feel better that I am not crazy but just coping with everything right now.  And, even though we have decided to move on with fostering it is ok to have these feelings of pain and unfairness.  Her best advice was to be patient and allow myself to heal... I am not a patient person so that will definitely be a challenge.  We also agreed that in our time together we would work on how I can cope with these feelings and how guilty I have been feeling.  

I would say that has been the hardest part of this journey, how guilty I feel that I cannot give my husband children, or our parents grandchildren... at least not the normal, traditional way.  I have to accept that.  Even though the Doctor never told us it was my fault we weren't getting pregnant, I always blamed myself.  I take ownership of it... unexplained infertility could be so many things but it still makes me feel guilty. 

After my therapy session, I did sleep better last night and woke up feeling better this morning.  Everyday gets easier and everyday I feel better and better than the last.  It could be for a number of reasons, but regardless of the reason, I am so happy to be feeling normal again.  

Also today, I started my shakeology shakes.... I have been eating better for months but wanted a project and something a big more intense.  I will be doing the 21 day fix starting Monday but am going to do half packets of the shakes until this to ease my way in.  This morning I mixed my vanilla packet with my morning coffee and skim milk - it was awesome!

Last, I have secured a crib for the new nursery.  It's so hard to plan a room for fostering, not only does it have to be gender neutral but you also have no idea really on the age range.  We have said we are open to 0 to 4; this crib is a convertible crib that converts to a toddler bed so that is nice.  I am super excited to start working on the room.  My husband hung ceiling fans yesterday and I plan to start working on the room after the lic worker comes on Friday to inspect the house.  

Only a woman with infertility would have all of this happen in the last 24 hours... well maybe not but it feels like it.  See a therapist, continue on with healthy eating because you never know right..., and get a crib for your future foster kids.  Everyday I see our journey more and more special and everyday I am more and more excited about the journey we are on.