Starting over.. again

How have I found my place back here again...  I still don't know where to go or what to do from here but I went back to the doctor on Friday and found out it is safe to start trying again.  Do we try again?  Do we jump back into the foster/adopting path?  I don't know what to do and my heart is so torn.  We really want to foster, really really... but it requires 100% of your devotion and right now I don't think I have that to give.  I know what it feels like to be pregnant and I am not sure if I am willing to give up the yearn right now.  I am sorry if that makes me selfish but I really feel that is what I want, now that I have had a taste of it.  Perhaps as more time passes and I heal I will remember the excitement I had for fostering.. I hope I do, I was so passionate about it, but right now all I feel is pain and sadness.  I will not go back through fertility treatments though, I can't, I just cannot survive them again.  

Ah well, for now I am trying to lead a normal life.  Yesterday my husband and I went quadding on some trails, he kept saying on the way there, 'Please try and have fun'... I kept saying, 'I will try.'  Turns out, I did have fun.  It was really nice.