A Day in the life..

A day in the life of a woman struggling with infertility is probably a lot like any other woman's day but instead much more emotional.  Yesterday I was swamped at work so luckily I had very little time to think about the last few weeks or even the weeks to come but then last night I went to my first appointment with a therapist.  I was nervous and really didn't know where to start but once I got talking it was a lot like blogging and I just talked and talked and talked... If felt so good to talk about everything.  It also made me feel better that I am not crazy but just coping with everything right now.  And, even though we have decided to move on with fostering it is ok to have these feelings of pain and unfairness.  Her best advice was to be patient and allow myself to heal... I am not a patient person so that will definitely be a challenge.  We also agreed that in our time together we would work on how I can cope with these feelings and how guilty I have been feeling.  

I would say that has been the hardest part of this journey, how guilty I feel that I cannot give my husband children, or our parents grandchildren... at least not the normal, traditional way.  I have to accept that.  Even though the Doctor never told us it was my fault we weren't getting pregnant, I always blamed myself.  I take ownership of it... unexplained infertility could be so many things but it still makes me feel guilty. 

After my therapy session, I did sleep better last night and woke up feeling better this morning.  Everyday gets easier and everyday I feel better and better than the last.  It could be for a number of reasons, but regardless of the reason, I am so happy to be feeling normal again.  

Also today, I started my shakeology shakes.... I have been eating better for months but wanted a project and something a big more intense.  I will be doing the 21 day fix starting Monday but am going to do half packets of the shakes until this to ease my way in.  This morning I mixed my vanilla packet with my morning coffee and skim milk - it was awesome!

Last, I have secured a crib for the new nursery.  It's so hard to plan a room for fostering, not only does it have to be gender neutral but you also have no idea really on the age range.  We have said we are open to 0 to 4; this crib is a convertible crib that converts to a toddler bed so that is nice.  I am super excited to start working on the room.  My husband hung ceiling fans yesterday and I plan to start working on the room after the lic worker comes on Friday to inspect the house.  

Only a woman with infertility would have all of this happen in the last 24 hours... well maybe not but it feels like it.  See a therapist, continue on with healthy eating because you never know right..., and get a crib for your future foster kids.  Everyday I see our journey more and more special and everyday I am more and more excited about the journey we are on.