In the beginning there was man and female... ok we are not going back that far but the truth is my husband Ron and I have been together for a very, very long time. We started dating way back when in 2003 when I was 19 and he was 18 and we have been together ever since. Our relationship was always strong and we knew one day we would be married and have a family.... For those of you that know me know that I am a planner so the irony of how this story has played out has been a little funny but in the end our Faith is Strong and we believe God is going to bless us with a child and we could not be more excited about that. I still chuckle now of all the times in college and when we were dating that I panicked about birth control... how silly. Yes, yes we had pre-marital sex... let's move on.
In 2008 Ron and I were married and so in love. In early 2009 I stopped birth control for the first time since I was 18 and boy was it amazing! AMAZING! Crazy enough, I remember the first time we 'tried' for the first time, Valentines day 2009... that's right Dan and Michelle right after your wedding lol.. anyways months turned into years of trying and trying. I started seeing a doctor and all I kept hearing was PCOS or take some metformin.. blah blah... we did not have fertility insurance so I had to be very careful with how I worded my questions with my doctors.
In 2013, we switched to my insurance and the aura of Fertility Insurance graced us.. we were also moving and life was chaotic so I really didn't have a lot of urgency. In August 2013 we moved houses and I saw the RE for the first time... she was a basket case of a women/doctor. Despite my better judgement I moved on and powered through. After 2 months of testing we tried our first IUI in October 2013. We had our first failed IUI not very long after. Oh the 2ww, so horrible. I was soooo very sure I was pregnant, stupid me took a home pregnancy test after only 5 days and got the double lines, whoops -- stupid! I had taken ovidrel as a ovulation trigger shot and of course it made me have a false positive.
In Nov 2013 I hit a low, I was becoming desperate, I know, I know, I had only had one failed IUI... but the crazy doc and her crazy nurse (who will remain nameless but I was attending Fertility Centers of Illinois in the Hoffman office for those wondering..) increased my clomid to 100mg; if you have ever been on clomid you know it's a horrid drug, it does horrid things to your body and it is over perscribed way too much but anyways, they increased my dosage and my follicles never grew big enough so we cancelled the cycle, no IUI in November.
In December 2013 I was pumped and ready to go, we were starting injects and I was sooo sure that the fact that I was giving myself shots in the stomach would automatically mean I would get pregnant. Wrong... of course it was all around Christmas because the busiest of times is when my cycles get hot and juicy, we were leaving to go out of town so they only got to do 1 IUI at the end of December so after Follistim (which is CRAZY expensive FYI), ovidrel.. we had an IUI done right before we left to have Christmas with my family and go away for a few days after that just the 2 of us. I was a little more carefree this time, I figured it was Christmas and what was a few drinks so I had a good time. Again, I was sooo sure it was going to work. Wrong, BFN in January 2014. Let's go again!
In January 2014, a lot changed. My best friend of several years and I stopped talking, work was cray cray, and I was going through some serious depression because of soooo many things pulling me in sooo many different directions.... so what do I do? I planned a trip to Disney World. It was just what I needed. However, I wasn't going to stop the treatments, heck no. We powered on, this time around they seriously increased my follistim and I had tons of little follicles, lots and lots of potential, I and they were certain I was going to get pregnant and not just pregnant but they were concerned that I would have a litter of children, at the end of January 2014 I had my IUI on a Friday morning, went to acupuncture, and 2 hours later was on a plane to Disney World. This time around as well I had to start progesterone shots in the butt... which nothing is sexier than your husband administering shots to your ass, but this cycle we got to include this fun treat as well. Anyways, taking those through security was fun. Luckily I took several extra because we got stuck in Orlando 2 extra days due to a snow storm back home in Chicago. After the horrid month, all the little follicles, and a Disney experience -- who wouldn't think i was going to get preggo, but nope. BFN right before Valentines day 2014.
Now it's important to mention that at the end of 2013 I found out that my company was ending our fertility insurance... bummer right? I had until the end of June 2014 to continue seeking my treatment and then I would be cut off. We met with the CRAZY doc the day before Valentines Day in Feb 2014 and decided to move forward with IVF. I was so nervous but knew it was time. I had a new excitement because the doctor had excitement... she kept saying, 'I just don't know why this isn't happening for you.' The first step in IVF is going on Birth Control Pills so 5 years after going off them, I started them back up again for 2 weeks, then I went to my Follistim and they stimmed the crap out of me, my ovaries were the size of softballs with TONS of little follicles, things looked great. The night I was supposed to trigger, I found out my pharmacy didn't send me my Novarel to trigger so after freaking out and calling the on call doc/nurse we drove almost 2 hours to downtown Chicago to the one pharmacy in the area that had an HCG shot. We paid out of pocket and luckily was only an hour after the time we were supposed to trigger.
On March 14, 2014 I went in for Egg Retrieval, my hubby was working so my poor brother had to awkwardly take me. They retrieved 14 eggs. I thought there would be more and I was really disappointed but I went home and rested. I was so uncomfortable and I made the decision that day that I would never go through that again.
The next day they called and told me that only 9 were mature enough and of those 5 fertilized, I was even more crushed. They said those 5 were doing well and they'd call me the next day and let me know the plan, they called on Sunday -- which by the way was the WORST day, I was in soooo much pain and could barely move and was peeing every hour and that pressure was so painful on my ovaries, I was a mess. Anyways they said my 5 little embryos were doing great and that I was scheduled for a 5 day transfer on March 19th.
On March 19th, I drove myself, I got prepped and the embryologist and the doctor both came to visit. They let me know that I had 2 that were early blasts graded at 3bb (just ok grade.. not great) and that the other 3 were not looking good and we may not have any to freeze. When the doctor came in, I asked the bitch's professional opinion on how my embryos looked and that doctor told me they looked, 'cute'. Again, another reason why FCI is not the place for me...
The embryos transferred in and we waited. The next day my mom came to visit and I told her what I had been going through, that was almost harder than anything else because I had kept it from her for so long. I just didn't want her to worry, there was no reason for us both to be sad and worried. But, I have to say, it was soooo nice to have her there and helping and it was soo nice for her support and love.
On my 31st birthday, I took a pregnancy test and it was negative, while it was still early, I just knew, I knew it didn't work. The blood work confirmed it a couple of days later and I was devastated. I cried and cried for days... I would just be sitting at my desk and start crying. We met with the doctor on Friday, April 4th and she tried to pull the 'I can't believe this didn't work' card again and Ron went off on her, it was seriously the best thing I have ever seen. We decided to try again...
Or so we thought... on April 11 we found out our insurance was denying our second attempt. It's a long story but what it really comes down to is crap and surprise surprise and insurance company trying to find the loophole, well they found one. We are done at FCI, done with IVF, and moving on...
Our Plan is to enjoy our summer together, I have been eating incredibly healthy for months so I plan to continue with that, and we are going to save and start looking into adoption. I don't know if we will do IVF again in the future but what I do know is whether we do IVF or adoption, we are going to bring a child into our home and we are going to love that child.
No one said this was going to be easy but we certainly thought it would be easier than it has been, I mean most people can get it done much simpler right? But God has a different plan for us. Please pray for us and support us however you can.
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